December 28, 2010
Hey family and all who love me!
I’m having trouble knowing what to say today.
Here are a few or 10 things…
1. I loved talkin to everyone on Christmas. That phone call gave me energy that will last for months.
I LOVE YOU SO BIG.
2. Christmas Eve and Christmas Day were so good. I loved every second of them. They were especially good for Sister Reynolds and I. Something happened to us on those two days that has really united us in the work. It’s hard to explain but I can feel it. This is important!
3. I am learning something I’ve learned before… when things are rough, write letters to the people around you. Tell them all your favorite things about them. Then: everything gets better.
4. Last night our plans were falling through. This happens a lot. It often means there is somewhere else we need to be. Sometimes I believe that place is waiting, often nearby our cancelled plans, and that the spirit will guide us directly to it and to the person there who is prepared. Other times there may not be one ideal place in that moment, but there is always somewhere we could be that will contribute to the work– somewhere where divine things can happen. But we have to be in tune. And we have to be humble. And we have to be doing all the things in our power that will make it so God can work through us. Sometimes you pray to know where you should be– and you feel something. You follow it. You talk to everyone there. You talk to people behind their doors and people on street corners and people unloading their groceries… everyone. And sometimes you leave that place, not sure why you were led there at all. But sometimes something discernable happens. Sometimes you walk away with a feeling from the spirit like “Good job. You found her.” Last night that happened and I live for that stuff. Can’t get enough.
5. Sometimes you drive past the umbrella lady as she walks down the street, and you wonder for the millionth time why she always has an umbrella, and Sister Reynolds says “B-town! I’m gonna ask you to u-turn dude.” So you pull around and park on a stealthy side street so that you can intercept the umbrella lady even though she’s on her cell phone and ask her for directions you don’t actually need… because you see her all the time and you just want to talk to her and tell her about the truth. Things like this don’t even feel weird anymore. But they’re still really fun.
6. I know I didn’t talk too much about my presents on the phone but I just want you to know that I loved them! And I didn’t mention too much because I love you way more than presents and I just wanted to talk about your life instead. That being said, my camera is perfect. Thank you. Exactly what I wanted. And that Reflections of Christ photography book just rocked my world. Sometimes when I’m heavy I put on this cello song and look through it to feel better. I do what I need to.
7. I am feeling rejuvenated these days. I’m glad Christmas is over so we can just work and not have to make special plans and special exceptions and find things to do while everyone else expects you to leave them alone. I don’t feel like I sound rejuvenated today. But I am, okay? Just also exhausted.
8. Last night I had a dream that I was exclaiming in different languages. I knew all of them and I was waving my arms and yelling in Thai and Tagolog and Spanish and Armenian. Welcome to the valley.
9. I just want to be good. I have this huge desire in me to be better, so huge that it’s really hard for me to catch up to it in action and practice. This puts me in a habit of feeling behind, like I am not enough. I am getting so used to feeling guilty about that that I don’t realize it’s happening. Guilt is a habit I need to break.
10. Worrying is my other habit. I am still so worried about people all the time. I didn’t even realize it until we talked to Jay today. Last time we talked to Jay he dropped us and picked us back up all in the same conversation. It was so intense. It started with all these objections to the Book of Mormon and reasons why we were wrong and ended with his testimony of the book and a desire for us to come back. The thing is, we barely said anything at all. It’s like he talked himself out of it and we just listened. I’ve been so worried because we haven’t heard from him since and he lives a pretty rough life and I was worried he’d turned himself away again and that he relapsed into his billion addictions and that he would never have the truth. And then he answered the door today for the first time in ages, hat backwards and tall tee and saying “Hey Sisters!” And he said he’s been reading and he wants to see us tomorrow. I let him borrow my Reflections of Christ book because I know he’ll LOVE it. And as we walked away I felt 10 billion pounds relieved even though I didn’t realize I’d been carrying 10 billion pounds of worry. How do I stop doing that?