January 26, 2011
Well family, I’m goin a little bit nutso. On January 20th we left to teach a morning lesson. The majority of last transfer we had very little appointments. We went finding like crazy. We worked like dogs. This day, the 20th, was the pinnacle of our work– 7 appointments! Friends this is wonderful. But after our first lesson, Sister Reynolds was just not okay. When it was over, we got in the car and drove by our next 3 appointments to say we wouldn’t be coming. Then we went home, and she slept for almost four hours. When she woke up, we cancelled all our appointments for the rest of the day– and we haven’t been out since. Strange things happen to missionaries when the sickness sets in.
It’s a weird sickness. They think its a virus that got into her ear fluids first– because it started with her equilibrium pretty much disappearing. She would get dizzy and light headed and slur her words, etc. Then she was sick in her throat and chest and just down for the count on the couch. Today I am dizzy and light headed and so bummed that I might be coming down with it. It’s been so long I thought I was safe.
Sister Reynolds just wakes herself up from moaning and occasionally make comments like,
“Let’s just go to the beach so I can die in peace.”
Don’t worry, I stay by her.
For the first two or three days I just wrote. I wrote and wrote and wrote. It was beautiful the things that came out of me. So many experiences that had been floating around in my head– some from years ago– some from last transfer– from everywhere– and they were all jumbled in my heart with different questions and desires and open ends… when the time opened up, I sat by Sister Reynolds on her sicky couch and they just POURED out of me. Only this time they all connected. Questions from one experience were answered by another in ways I didn’t see before. Some of these things have been open ends for a very very long time. I was in my own universe– like one of those hermit writing women no one knows about til she dies cause she just stayed holed-up in her living room with all her thoughts. I am not kidding you, it was the weirdest thing. Like a 72 hour epiphany. I don’t even know how much I wrote. I stopped counting at 40 pages.
How have I been working with all that stuck inside of me? No wonder my heart is so nuts. Am I okay? Am I a sane person? Is this amount of emotion normal? The more I serve the more I have and it’s just all up in me– everywhere. So many things unresolved and so many people to be mindful of at once.
“How can I be a good missionary if we’re not out with our people?” I wondered.
That was easy– I’d heard this story many times– I’m supposed to take care of my companion.
And oh man, I have been. Mamaw style. I brought in the pillows and made sure she took her medicine on time and I cooked some good food. I mean good. Some of our Philippino friends brought over some vegetables and a frozen chicken. I mean it– a whole chicken. Skin, bones, giblets and all. I wrestled that thing down and made some killer chicken soup. I just beamed with Mamawhood. I LOVE doing this stuff. There was this era before my mission when my friends kept getting surgery and I got to go take care of them and it just fulfilled me in this way I can’t explain. If I didn’t belong to my writing, maybe I would be a nurse. I just want the love part though, and not really the medical scientific part. I think I will just keep belonging to my words and pages and be a Mom too. Keep the writing, keep the love, bump the science. Good, all-inclusive life plan.
Other than that I studied some really beautiful, deep things I haven’t had time to study before. Spiritual Matter. The destiny of the earth. See why I’m wondering if I’m still sane? I have been in my own universe. I also did the dishes, made collages, built my own journal, and tried to stay positive. There’s only so much I can do around here.
But it’s been a very long time and I just love being a missionary with my whole heart. I love it. I feel so weird not being out there.
Remember how I made a journal? We went to the copy store on p-day. I brought the covers to be laminated and the papers to be bound. It was our first trip out in a very long time. There were two men talking to Sister Reynolds which was kinda funny because she is pretty loopy. He mentioned something semi-gospel related. I can’t even remember what it was but I DOVE at it like a starving child. It felt so good I could have just died happy right there on the layout desk. We are going back to see one of them. I’ve been planning lessons in my head ever since.
A final note before I sign out … I might get transferred and if I do I will just die. I keep asking God to let me stay here with Sister Reynolds and to help me have a good attitude if I don’t get to. I’ll let you know next week.
I love you! I will try to remain a somewhat normal person until I can get back to the streets.