February 16, 2011
(If this post looks familiar…its because Lyndsi Shae’s goofy mom posted out of order! aaaargh! I got behind again … prepared a few post in advance and then planned to go in each day and just hit “post” … and then I posted from the wrong end of the list…deleted and then now I am posting in the appropriate order…)
So life goes on in the valley these last days. I am on my way to figuring out so many important answers. I’m seeking all of them at once, and progressing in all of them through weird realizations and experiences. It’s a whirlwind to keep up with everything that’s coming my way. The good news is: well, there’s a lot coming my way!
We have this investigator, Kozmic. She’s really into modern spiritualism and meditation and feeling “vibrations” and things. The other day she brought me a box of fancypants cupcakes from Beverly Hills because “your energy is in chaos lately and I just want you to know that there are good things around.” It’s a little disarming to have someone pick up on your true vibes, but we do it to people all the time so I guess I should take what I dish.
A few Sunday mornings ago I was praying in my closet. It’s huge and sometimes I just go in there to be alone and honest with myself. Does that make sense? There’s a shelf in there with all my mission journals and my painting from Katie and pictures of people I love, etc. It’s my little space. Sunday mornings we wake up at 5:45, so it was early. (We have some meetings before church.) Sunday is also the last day of the week since p-day is Monday. So it was a rough morning. I asked Heavenly Father to please “send me some promptings so I can follow them and feel better.” I love following the spirit. It helps me feel like everything will be okay, that I can be confident that God is still working through me, that I am in the right place and He is able to trust me. And plus I’m here to do his work, so why wouldn’t he send me some work to do? This is not one of those prayers that needs to end “thy will be done.” Because I know it’s His will already. That’s something I love about missionary work. The majority of the time, I know that what I want is the same as what He wants– I can be sure He’ll help me.
He did. After church we sat down with one of my favorite people. I’ve typed and backspaced and re-typed a few paragraphs trying to show you what happened. But I guess that’s the point– I don’t know what happened. It started out with questions from things she read in the scriptures, and moved into personal life questions, and ended with some concerns she’s had her whole life about herself and her worth and her standing in the eyes of God. As I opened my mouth, I wasn’t sure what would come out. While I was saying it, I didn’t know what I was saying. And since I’ve said it, I can’t remember what I said. It probably wasn’t anything particularly profound but I know it wasn’t all me– and I know it was right. When we left the room, I looked at my watch. It had been two hours. And I felt so good. Still abominably tired but just peaceful. Everything is going to be okay with this woman I love so much– and everything is going to be okay with me too. I do remember telling her that much– that everything would be okay. I remember us telling her that she would be healed from everything, that she could be whole again. That we knew she would come out of this happy, healed, and whole. And she was crying saying “Me too. I know I will.” Isn’t it a miracle to know something like that? Before my mission, I didn’t know the spirit was like a cleansing agent? Did you know that? I should send you some scriptures about it. When you’re worthy of the Holy Ghost, its presence literally cleans out all the sad and guilty and dark things in your heart. It purifies me. I need it.
I’ve had some really cool conversations lately. One with a Muslim man at his door. Sister Reynolds was sick in the car at the end of his driveway, and I knocked to say we couldn’t make it to our appointment. I gave him a Book of Mormon and explained where it came from and how we have it. This way he can learn on his own til my comp is better. The thing is, he doesn’t believe in Jesus Christ and I only have a few minutes. So we just come to this understanding.
“When I pray to God and you pray to Allah, do you believe it is the same person?”
“Yes,” he said.
“Me too. He’ll help you know if this is true.”
Another one came with a new couple that just moved into our ward. The wife is not a member but she’s gone to church before in another area with him. They’ve been married seven months. She’s never met with missionaries before. She seems a little shy and I don’t want to overwhelm her because sometimes I’m so pumped that I freak shy people out. But I have to talk to her! Of course! So I’m trying to balance my spazziness and be bold without being overbearing. I ask her name and figure out she’s been coming to church for a year and a half.
“What do you like about it?”
“People here are nice. Everyone has this confidence and it seems like they take care of each other. I haven’t learned anything I don’t believe.”
“What do you mean when you say they have confidence?”
“They just live this certain way– like they just know it’s true and they know who they are.”
“Do you want to have that confidence?”
She does! And now we’re teachin her and she is BOMB.