April 11, 2011
Great things that have helped me to feel happy lately:
–Last Friday we had combined district meeting. Our zone leaders split us up into junior and senior companions. Seniors learned how to be better leaders. This training was definitely inspired and it rocked me. I wish I would have thought about this stuff three transfers ago! Kicking myself for how many things I could have done better. But then deciding not to kick myself, and just do better now that I understand. I’m already seeing a difference in our companionship.
–Exchanges. This means Sister Reynolds leaves and goes to another area, and someone else comes to be with me for the day. My companion for the day has gained a reputation in the mission for being hard to work with. I was pretty apprehensive about it… but I practiced the things I learned at that training in a crash-course-hard-core way all day. It was really good for me. I think we are even friends.
–One of my Zone Leaders also told me how to make eggs in a basket for breakfast. I did. This also rocked my world.
–Letters from Ken, Emily, Cait, and Sarah Leonhardt. Such good timing. All of you.
–Yard work with Glow. We are cutting back ivy that’s been out of control for a long time. We dig and clip and rake and reach and it is hard work but it feels so good. I make up metaphors in my head the whole time about struggle and growth and gathering. Talk about healing. I am Jacob 5. Take that ivy!
–Many investigator stories that there is no time to write.
There are so many things I want to tell you! The things I’m learning are so sacred to me and I can’t see how to put them in a simple e-mail, so I will give you a little summary.
Lately God has a pattern with me:
1. He points out a certain perspective I have on life that I’ve always viewed as an obvious fact.
*I am that I might struggle. I have to brace myself for the next battle, and be strong. God wants me to grow.
* It is not okay to need people.
* Strong people handle things alone.
2. He shows me the perspective He would rather me have. This always blows my mind because like I said, I didn’t realize there was any other way than the way I’d always seen things.
* You are that you might have joy. I have much more in store for you than battles, so allow yourself to get out of fighting stance. Let go and trust that happiness is not just a consolation prize for fighting. You can be much more than a warrior. I want you to be happy.
* It’s good that you don’t rely on someone else to tell you that you’re pretty or of great worth. But someday, you will have to cleave to your husband. This is a Godly way of allowing yourself to rely on someone. For now, cleave to me. Trust me. I’ll prepare you.
*You’re good at making changes and moving forward, but you still need my help. Step back and be in awe of what is beyond you.
These three examples seem so cut-and-dried, and though they all relate to each other, each one came to light a little piece at a time. I often don’t understand what He’s teaching me until several promptings, things I’ve been studying, and things I’ve been writing about begin to come together. This happens little by little until I can see the big picture and figure out how to make it a reality. I think all this is called: pondering. Once I start to see things connecting, He helps me see how this new perspective will serve me and my family in the future much better than the one I learned way back when I was forming my ideas about the world. He shows me patterns in the scriptures that I can follow and apply. He helps me make a plan to change how I operate. Changing is SO HARD. I’ve been living this way my whole life! He promises to help me. Do you see how my life is being rocked? God is changing my lenses on the world. Who would I be without all this? I like who I am becoming. I trust who I am becoming.
Out of time again!
Sister Lyndsi Shae Brown