May 16, 2011
How is it the end of WEEK FOUR of the transfer?!
What is happening to life?
Things rush by.
When Sister Griffiths left, she forgot her soccer pants and her big Bishop t-shirt. I kept them because I want to be just like her. I run in them all the time– except I cut the pants off like capris because she was a little shorty and they fit me better this way. After this we’re going to a capture the flag water fight with all the missionaries in our zone. There are two cheapo super soakers in the trunk. We’re pumped. Bring it on. You best bet I’m wearin my Griffy pants to battle! I am trying to be a trainer like she was and we are just BUSTIN through the days like you wouldn’t believe.
Hmmm, what should I tell you about this week?
• Sister Warr is getting more and more used to things. Last night we knocked on the door of our dinner appointment and she almost contacted Brother Williams when he answered the door. She is in the mode! Sometimes it’s hard to get out of the mode. Like at church when we sit for three hours. At some point, it becomes useless to scan the room for investigators AGAIN or check my planner again or make sure we have all our stuff to teach sharing time and gospel essentials and pass the dinner calendar and run ward correlation and spaz about everything… again. At some point I have to just sit still and relax. Sometimes that’s hard when you’re used to go-go-go. At night when we come home I sit out on the balcony and write and think and just try to let it all go before bed. I still teach out loud in my sleep.
• Last transfer Sister Larsen came on exchanges with me. She didn’t know I always teach in my sleep. I woke up in the middle of the night, sat up and asked her “Did you know that you can be free from all your struggles and mistakes through the atonement of Jesus Christ?” Hahaha, it caught her a little off guard.
• Our youth fireside had to be moved because of stake priesthood meeting– so I’ll tell you about it next week.
• I love that story about Bradley wanting to pick up trash and save the earth! I was just like that when I was little. And sometimes still now.
• I am so proud of Jesse in the talent show! Can’t wait to see the video! He sounded great on the phone and I knew he would be good. It takes so much guts to do something like that.
• I am grateful that Lacey takes such good care of her brothers. I’m so proud of her. I hope I can be as good of a sister as she has been.
• Sometimes I think about when I come home from my mission and how I want to hang out with my family for hours and hours. I don’t imagine us at the beach or Bojangles or doing anything in particular. I just want to listen to everyone’s voices and observe who you have grown to be. I want to laugh at Corey’s jokes and just listen to the stories everyone has. I love you so much. I am grateful we are all together. I know we are going to make it.
• My friend Stephy Jay had a baby! I’ve looked through the pictures at least 15 times. I just about cry every time I look at them. Seeing them sparks something in me. My heart recognizes and understands some things about eternal families that it never knew before.
• Last week we had interviews with President. Mine wasn’t very long. I didn’t plan anything to talk about this time. Usually by the time interviews come around I am ready to bust and I feel like I need serious guidance on things. This time I was fine. I was happy and healthy and ready to report. He was happy too.
“How are you Sister Brown?” “Good! I think I’m good.”
“You think?” “Well, there’s not too much time to stop and think about how I’m feeling—”
“—That’s good!” “—but at night when I come home, I feel great. So I think I’m doing great.”
“How’s your companion? How’s your area?”
We talked about that for a while.
He said he loves me and that I’m doing a great job. It makes such a difference to hear things like that. I’m learning on my mission that spoken words mean a lot to me. I really love that man.
I want to tell you more about sitting out on the balcony at night.
Sometimes the end of the day is the first time I really take inventory on how I’m feeling.
A few nights this week, I looked inside myself and was surprised to see things so… calm.
My heart is soft but immovable.
I feel an abiding peace that is solid and substantial.
I feel still.
I feel joy. Not jump on a chair joy– but a steady, deeply satisfying and meaningful happiness.
Assurance. Safety and strength.
Not dependant on people or circumstances.
It is beautiful and real and an answer to my pleadings from last transfer.
I am so grateful to be here. I know I am pinpointed in the exact location Heavenly Father would have me be, doing exactly what He would have me do.
I love this feeling. I want it again and again.
It is worth all the work.
I love you!
I want to tell you all my stories!