August 01, 2011
As usual it’s p-day and I’m scattered. So here comes my list of thoughts.
*More about my new companion Sister Baum: She is from Texas but she’s a vegetarian. She is the 7th of 10 kids. Her Dad died when she was 17. I think she defines herself by that event. She didn’t go to church for a long time after that but she went on a revolution about a year ago and changed her life and now she’s on a mission! She is a cosmetologist and hopes to get her license as a personal trainer when she goes home. She is 21 and this is her second transfer. Her first was in the desert (Palmdale). She is absolutely not shy at all. She is a talker. In fact, she talks even more than me which is pretty refreshing. She is a great companion for me right now. I’m really grateful for her.
*For the blog people: My second greenie Sister New went home last week after about 8 days of us being together. I really loved her. I’m convinced the world needs more missionaries like her who are humble and pure and full of the spirit. It hurt my heart to see her go. I hope she’ll come back.
*Lately I am exhausted. For a while I assumed it was because I’d been on a mission for a long time– like maybe everyone feels like this once they’ve been out for a while? But Saturday my energy really started crashing. I woke up feeling horrible. I got up and splashed my face, ate breakfast, studied a little bit… but it wouldn’t go away. So I went back to bed and slept 4 more hours. And by “slept” I mean completely conked out. Then we went out and worked for 3 hours. Then I came home and crashed for another hour. I felt dizzy and nauseous and just… exhausted. So this would mean I’m sick right? This can’t be normal. I called Sister Martin that night and told her I was pretty sure something was wrong with me. She said I should stay home on Sunday and maybe go to the doctor today (Monday.) So Sunday I slept til 8 but was able to work the whole day after that. I was tired but the nausea and dizziness only came in waves. Today– I think I’m okay? I don’t know what’s going on. I’m just so spent! I feel like a haggard old woman. Like I’ll never be young and cute again. I am a tired old work horse.
*I feel like things are going by so fast. The other day Sister Baum was freaking out about the same thing. “It’s already week 4 of the transfer?!” she said. “I just feel like I’m going to wake up tomorrow and my mission will be over and I’ll be like Wait! Did I even help anyone?!” I cracked up laughing because I feel the same way! I feel like I am in a hurry all the time. Like I’m missing the point of the work because I’m working too fast. Does that make any sense? It’s all rushing by but I don’t know how to hold onto the good stuff. It’s hard to feel grounded and focused when you’re in a hurry all the time. How do I work as hard as I can without being in a hurry?
Anytime I hear or think about something I want to hold on to, I write it down in the back of my planner.
Here’s what the back of my planner looks like lately:
The faith to build must always be followed by the diligence to maintain.
Have eyes to see,
ears to hear,
and a heart to feel.
BE HERE NOW.
Be still and hear him. D&C 9.
The Holy Ghost is thy gift: Apply Unto It.
I need to hear my Father’s voice so I can find my way home to Him.
Strength does not come from frantic activity.
Looking at that, I can see that a theme for me lately is: Slow down and listen.
Since my half way mark I’ve been praying for Heavenly Father to lift my vision.
I need to know what to focus on for the time I have left.
I really feel the need to simplify.
I’ve had one reoccurring impression: Focus on being like Christ. Don’t worry about the rest so much.
— Learn to support others and love them without pre-requisite.
— Learn to trust my savior. To need Him. To get to know Him by becoming like him and feeling his love for others.
(This is a perfect learning environment for me.)
–As my love for the Lord increases, my desire to serve will naturally increase. I will change my nature and not just my behavior. I will become a better missionary, not by tricks and sales techniques that up my numbers, but by becoming His representative– a sincere and effective advocate of the truth. That’s what I want.
It’s a beautiful idea but I’ll have to work on it to make it measurable and achievable.
Regardless of how tired I am and hurried I feel, I know my mission is a miracle in my life.
I’ve never felt so grounded, rooted, committed, guided, trusted, enlightened, watched over, grown up, inspired, and healed as I have on my mission.
I really love you!
Pray I can have some energy!